filmstadium

Apollo 18 sounded good on paper, the premise that there was this secret mission to the moon and that it was covered up because of moon creatures could be a good movie, unfortunately Apollo 18 isn’t a good movie.  This should have been a 40 minute movie,  the biggest problem is that it dragged away to much for a horror film, the pacing is so slow that there isn’t an ounce of horror or tension in the whole film.  Now the acting is pretty good and really there is only three people in the film, they have to carry it and we always know this was a no budget film, the effects are iffy at best.  The sad thing about the film is that it’s only 86 minutes and it feels like half a hour too long.  They try to slow burn the film with the creatures but it may be the slowest burn in horror history at the 40 minute mark I was almost asleep.  I’m a huge genre/horror fan and I respect trying to do something a little different but you have to have an 86 minute to tell if you are going to film an 86 minute movie, there is just too much padding in the film.  Now I Did  like the ending, some of the action was cool and it did ramp up but sadly it went nowhere, or I should say it went where we thought it would go.  One last thing I’m really tired of the found footage genre, just tell the story straightforward, this gimmick has gotten really old really fast, it doesn’t help the film and it gets very annoying.  Even though I liked some parts or the film, and really did think it had promise I say pass on Apollo 18.

Right off the bat, really bad and silly title, alright got that out of my system.  So it’s a Micheal Bay film and it’s the third movie fo the franchise, so this review can be like one line, it’s loud, stupid and over long.  That’s about it, there is just all eye candy and nothing else, I didn’t really care for the first two movies and I’ll be damned why I watched this one but I did and it left me feeling like I did for the first two, the films are boring and so badly written that it hurts my head.  This one actually out does itself for the silliness and just outright goofy plot.  It did hurt to see Frances McDormand and John Malkovich in this and I have to say I have no idea why the hell Patrick Dempsey was in this, and yes he’s pretty bad as well.  The thing that got me with this film is that it’s so slow to get going and we know going in the plot doesn’t matter so why does it take like 15 minutes to get into it and the sub plots and back stories in this one is just over the top bad.  Shia Lebeouf should retire his jersey cause he gives a career worst performance in this one all he does is scream and bark out his lines, he seems like he didn’t want to be there but he liked the money so he’s there but he’s just bad across the board.  The biggest thing is except for one set piece I didn’t like the action at all, there is no set up here just loud explosions and people running around, people that I don’t care about.  Lets get one thing straight there isn’t characters in this film just outlines and cliches, I doubt any actor could give a good performance in this film, the script is laughable.  You guessed it, I didn’t like the film one bit, I’m pretty close to hating it but I don’t want to but too much emotion into, I mean since the filmmakers didn’t why should I, pass even if you saw the first two.

This falls in the did they really need to remake Conan The Barbarian and the answer is no they didn’t.  This is just a worthless and needless remake, they bring nothing new to the table and they don’t expand on anything from the original and the biggest thing is they don’t make a good film period.  Jason Momoa is Conan and even though he’s not bad he isn’t anything special either, he’s big and looks the part but he doesn’t bring any charm to the role, alright you’re saying Conan should have charm they I’d counter with he didn’t bring that bad ass quality either.  The main problem with the film is the bad guys, Stephen Lang is a good actor but he’s really miscast here, his bad guy is just plain boring and is a cliche of every other villain out there and add Rose McGowan to mix, she’s not very good in this and her character is pretty silly.  Now the worst performance goes to Rachel Nichols who is just terrible, she seems to modern and seems to think she’s in another movie cause she sticks out like a sore thumb here.  The action which you would think would make or break a film like this breaks it in half, the action is beyond boring, it’s going through the motion action, nothing special.  The only thing I liked was a two bladed knife that was CGI but did look cool but wasn’t used enough.  The end fight is down right silly and not exciting at all, the problem with the end fight is that the build up to it was cliched and boring.  I do thing the failure of the film is two-fold, the casting and acting but also the script, if you remake a film and truly want to make a good film then take the big parts of the original and add to it, don’t just go through the motions and think the name will get people into the theatre.  This is a big pass for me, it isn’t worth the time or the energy you will have to use to stay awake for the whole thing.  Just a badly made film.

This isn’t a remake even though this movie shares a title with a James Caan movie, this is a pseudo action film with Jason Statham, Clive Owen and Robert De Niro, now I know why Statham is in it but not sure why Owen is there.  The film is said to be based on a true story, heavy on the based or inspired by part.  First things first This is not a straight forward action film, there is some gun play and a couple of fights but it’s more character driven drama, the film is mostly gray as Statham and Owen’s characters aren’t really the standard good guy/bad guy both are a little of each.  Statham’s character is trying to save his friend and mentor’s life, played by De Niro.  Alright lets get to the acting, Statham is Statham in this playing the old cliche of the spy/solider who gets out only to be pulled back in, he’s fine in this but you could say he’s played this part a dozen times, De Niro is fine here he’s not the De Niro of old but he plays his part well and he’s not in it a lot.  For Owen he sports a really bad mustache and I have to say that’s the most memorable part about his character, he’s an ex-ssa agent who kind of works unofficially but other than the fact that he was a soldier he’s pretty bland and not really right for the role.  Don’t get me wrong Owen is a good actor but for the past few years he seems lost.  The biggest problem with the film is that it’s slow and boring at times, the middle part is sleep inducing, there isn’t enough enegry or action to keep the film flowing and at times it seems the plot comes to a complete halt.  Even saying the film is based on a true story it doesn’t really make it interesting, Owen and Statham’s characters are really just doing a dick measuring  contest and who is the biggest bad ass, not that interesting to say the least.  The film is caught between being an action thriller and a drama and the two just don’t click together.  It’s not terrible but it’s not engrossing in the least and I say pass on this one.